Version 3.1
As of August 17, 2003 – 12:20 PM

Co-written by Raoul, Jill and Matt (with modifications and the blessing addition by Don Berman)

Strangers from distant lands, friends of old, you have been summoned here to witness the marriage of Jill and Raoul. I’m pleased to greet you and whether the word is welcome, bienvenue, zdrazwete, shalom, vilkommen, yokoso, salve or as our klingon friends say, “chan’to ko’pla,” it is wonderful to have you join us.

I’m Matt Lawrence and I like these guys so much, I want to marry them… To each other, that is. [audience laughter] I’ve worked with both of them for many years now, and we’ve become very dear friends. I’m honored to be here to perform the ceremony.

We first want to acknowledge the family and friends that have come from such a great distance to join us for this event. Why would they travel so long for such a short ceremony? For the joy of airplane cuisine? I don’t think so. For the free trial size shampoo from the motel? No. For a summer barbecue at Jill and Raoul’s? Maybe... NO, it’s because no one believed that Jill and Raoul would finally get married!

They’ve been together 12 years and until this day everyone concerned with such formalities had pretty much given up hope. Even Raoul’s mom, Edie, said – (often), “forget the wedding, just hurry up with the grandchildren already!” [audience laughter]–
The family – Raoul’s parents, Jill’s mom and grandparents, have been so patient and now their patience is being rewarded. They are “tickled pink” as the saying goes.

So we are gathered here today to witness Jill and Raoul’s official commitment to each other. Jill and Raoul’s success as a couple has come not just from their strong friendship, but also from their happiness and sense of fulfillment from life-in-general. Part of that happiness comes from the incredibly rich community of friends and family (this is you all) that they are blessed to be part of. Friends and family who support them through good times and bad, and who enrich their lives with diversity, friendship and potatoes. At this time I would like the community of friends to share in Jill and Raoul’s commitment to each other by agreeing to continue to be a supportive, fun-loving, scrabble-playing, food-cooking group who will carry on that support for each other as well as for Jill and Raoul. So, friends of the happy couple, do you agree to continue to laugh and cry, share the world and enjoy good food, good drinks and life-in-general with Jill and Raoul so long as you are hanging around. [if no response, DO YOU?]
Thank you.

This is far more than just a union of Jill and Raoul – it’s a joining of their two families, and with it, East-meets-West to create a new FAMILY SUPERPOWER! Coffee cake joined by Tastycake. Toast side-by-side with bagels. Matzoh balls rolling around with yarn balls. On one side there’s heat and humidity, on the other side, grey drizzle. They meet together to form a rich, diverse, complimentary, mix of the two coasts and two cultures.

On this day, we ask whether Raoul’s family from Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, and that other Washington will accept not only Jill, but her family and their free-wheeling, west-coast-based customs and habits. ?? [if no response, DO YOU?]

On this day, we ask whether Jill’s family from Oregon and Washington will accept not only Raoul, but his strange family and their East-coast-based, food-oriented customs and habits. ?? [if no response, DO YOU?]

Good. I want to turn things over to Raoul’s dad, whose wisdom has produced such important quotes as “The undocumented life is not worth living” and an especially fitting one for today, “Featherless bipeds require rituals.” Here’s Don.

I am going to say a blessing.

Now I can see from the furrowed brows and concerned looks that you are wondering to yourselves, "just what is the difference between a blessing and a prayer?" Well, the answer lies at the heart of Judaism. There is a notion at the very core of Judaism which looks at everything in the universe as a miracle. Everything that happens to you in your life is an unexplainable, inexplicable miracle.
Think about it for a moment. When you move your hand, how does that happen?

Modern science tells us that an electro-chemical impulse in the brain travels down long neurons, crosses synapses until it reaches the necessary muscles and that makes your hand move. But does that really explain how it happens? It still remains a mystery how a thought translates to electro-chemical activity. And what is all that anyway? Isn't it really a miracle?

In order to help people maintain an attitude of awe and wonderment, the rabbis of old developed sayings or blessings. There are blessings for everything. From the time you get up in the morning to the time you go to sleep. There is a blessing for being allowed another day of life, another for having lived another day, one for the bread you are about to eat, another for the wine. And so it goes. Everything is to be acknowledged with a blessing.

And now I see the furrowed brows again and the concerned looks. You are worried, What happens if you forget the proper blessing when you need it? Well, you need not worry. The great sages of ancient times thought of this problem. And they came up with an answer, There is a blessing, a mega-blessing which covers all events. And you will understand when I translate it after I say it in hebrew.

Blessed is the lord, ruler of the universe, maker of all things, who has created us and sustained us and brought us to this joyous moment.

And let us all say amen.

Thank you. Here’s the part you’ve all been waiting for.

Raoul, will you continue to have Jill as your marinade-mistress, to have and hold, love and cherish, through set redesigns and script revisions? Through cranky faculty and late-night strikes? Through roof replacements, car repairs and migraines? …to share LIFE, the whip cream maker, and the hard drive space? [Raoul says yes]

Jill, will you continue to have Raoul as your grill master, to have and hold, love and cherish through remodel and rewiring? Through endless E.M. meetings and Super Saturdays? Through computer crashes, server problems and food-phobias? …to share LIFE, the whip cream maker, and the hard drive space? [Jill says yes]

And now, may I have the rings, you ring “bears.” Grrrrrrr. I hope we have the keys to these handcuffs!! [audience laughter]

Thank you agent Jordan. Thank you agent Zachary.

Use these rings as symbols of your long-term commitment, your love and your respect for each other - and please place them on each other’s hands. [Raoul puts ring on Jill] [Jill puts ring on Raoul]

At this point in a traditional Klingon wedding, the groom’s party attacks, and the new couple must join to defend themselves. [audience laughter] In deference to the lovely garden, we’ll skip that and go right into “you may now kiss each other.” [Jill and Raoul smootch big time!]

Huzzah!!

At this point in a traditional Jewish wedding, it is customary for the groom to break a glass. There are many explanations for this tradition, but tradition really does not need any explanation. Ask Don later if you’re really curious.
[Raoul stomps on glass]

Mazel Tov!!

Friends, I present: Jill and Raoul, Sound and Lights, Designer and Engineer, and now husband and wife!

At this point in a traditional Scottish wedding, we would go eat and drink more. And that seems like an excellent idea! The receiving line begins at the BBQ. Please join Katy, our piper, in playing them out. I’m sure you’ll know the tune.